


Wishing You Were Here

by Dewsparkle



Series: Yogscast Ficlets [6]
Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Insanity, Loss, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-01
Updated: 2015-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-24 05:48:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4907758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dewsparkle/pseuds/Dewsparkle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lalna is broken after the death of Rythian. He can't stand seeing him everywhere he goes anymore, he just wants to end it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wishing You Were Here

"I can't do this anymore!" I muttered to myself, grabbing fistfuls of my messy blond hair and pulling it painfully tight. I paced back and forth in my castle, feeling like I had worn a dent into the floor.

I glanced around the room, it was our old bedroom, before the... _incident_. There were clothes everywhere. Yours, mine. It didn't matter now. I'd killed you, and you're not coming back.

"You're not coming back!" I screamed into the empty air. "You're dead, now leave me alone!" I covered my face with my dirtied hands. "Just... just, please..."

My skin was ghostly pale and I felt so weak all the time. My clothes were in tatters, torn and dirtied, from lack of care and were probably beyond repair. I guess that's what happens when you haven't eaten for a few weeks.

I felt my legs give out and I crumbled to the floor in a heap. I could feel the tears rimming my eyes once again. I titled my head to the side, feeling dizzy and off balance even though I was lying on the floor. Squinting, I managed to focus my blood shot eyes on what was left of my goggles. I'd ripped them off and punched the wall with them when I heard the explosion, I think I still had some of them stuck in my knuckles that I'd neglected to remove.

My breathing hitched and my face started to feel wet. "Why..." I breathed, entering another dizzy spell. But this one felt different. I frowned. My chest was tightening, and I think my hands were shaking. _Well, that's new..._ I thought vaguely, as the tightness in my chest increased and traveled into my throat, causing it to constrict.

I felt my eyes widen and I began to panic, desperately trying to breathe but to no avail. I was starting to hyperventilate now. Maybe this was it. Maybe this was me dying. _That would be nice._

I forced myself to roll over, trying to support myself with my forearms and began coughing, unable to bring enough air into my lungs. Black spots and fuzz were starting to tug at my vision. I slumped fully onto the ground, with my face pressed against the cold wooden floor. In my delirium, I could have sworn I saw that door open. I wished beyond all hope that the terrified face of the man I once knew was really there... But he couldn't be. It just wasn't possible.

I weakly shook my head and tried to back away from the approaching delusion.

"No... no... please..." I muttered, still gasping for air and my eyes started slipping closed against my will. "You can't be here... Ryth-..."

The last thing I saw before my world went dark was the tanned man crouching in front of me, his mouth forming frantic words I was unable to hear.

I gave a soft groan, my eyes fluttering as I attempted to open them again. Once the first impossible task of the day was completed, I looked around at where I was. My senses seemed to wake up a bit more once I noticed I wasn't on the floor where I'd passed out.

Struggling to push myself in a sitting position, I noticed, as it turns out, I was still in the same room, but I was on the bed. And the room was... tidy. And upon looking down at myself, I found that I was in clean clothes.

I was really confused by now. "What?" I mumbled, sliding myself off the bed and standing unsteadily. I frowned, making my way towards the door. I reached for the handle, but before I had even gotten close enough to touch it, the door opened.

My eyes widened in fear. I stumbled backwards, tripping over my own feet, backing away as fast as I possibly could, tears forming in my eyes and threatening to spill over.

"No! No, no, no, no, no! You're not there! Stay away from me! Leave me alone!" I shouted, feeling tears trailing down my cheeks.

The figure put down what he had been carrying and tried walking towards me, but I only backed off further, my back hitting the wall. It noticed this and stopped, sighing exasperatedly, throwing his hands up. He held his chin, looking at me sympathetically every now and again as he looked about the room, trying to figure something out.

After a few minutes, he slowly sat on the ground in front of me, edging a little closer, seeming upset when I only pushed myself further against the wall.

"You're not there." I stated after a while, looking the hallucination in the eye. "I want you to be there so bad. But you're not. You are dead! Dead Rythian! LEAVE ME ALONE." I screamed, scrambling to get up, using the bed to support me as I made a mad dash to get away from him. I felt something grab me from behind around the waist, and I struggled as much as I could to get myself free, but it was too strong.

I couldn't help it, my chest was tightening again and my throat began to thicken as I was forced to lay on my back. My sobs quickly were indistinguishable from my ragged and painful breathing while my arms were pinned down above my head and I was forced to look at the face I knew I was long gone.

"Please..." I pleaded, my voice barely a whisper as I continued to cry underneath the man that wasn't there. "Rythian... please come back... I miss you..."

"Lalna." I heard him say. "Lalna, I am here. Lalna, look at me."

I shook my head, screwing my eyes shut. "NO! YOU'RE NOT THERE. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO HAUNT ME?!"

"Lalna, Lalna!" I felt him grab my face and force it to look up, but I kept my eyes shut tight, still shaking my head. "Lalna, look at me! Lalna, I am real, I'm right here! I'm not a hallucination!"

"That's what they always say! Over and over and over and over and over in my head. They never stop. All I can see is your stupid face but it's not there! None of it is there! None of it..." I cried, coughing on my words, feeling fresh tears cascade down my cheeks.

I let out a gasp and a small whimper of pain at the sensation that hit my face. I tried to turn my head away, but a firm hand kept it in place.

"Lalna. For gods sake Lalna just open your eyes!"

"No!"

"Why won't you just open them?!" He yelled at me angrily, making me flinch.

"BECAUSE THEN I HAVE TO FACE YOU AGAIN." I screamed, finally opening my eyes, seeing how the man seemed genuinely shocked. I let my head fall back on the floor with a thump, this time when I tried to turn my head away, the hand didn't stop me. I closed my eyes again, letting tears seep through.

"Not again... I've said sorry too many times and it's never enough. You never leave. You always were one to hold a grudge... I guess that applies even in death." I choked slightly. "It's never enough for you... I- I didn't mean to... I was scared- It wasn't supposed to- it was set up so that it wouldn't detonate, but still look like it would... There was no way to set it off unless you messed with the wiring..."

I opened my eyes and glanced back at Rythian, who looked so shocked it seemed so real. "Rythian I can't take it anymore. Please, please just kill me. Please just let me die... I'm useless. All I've ever done is hurt the ones I loved. IT'S ALWAYS MY FAULT."

"Lalna... You're not useless..."

I shook my head, closing my eyes again. "No, no I am. You don't understand. I killed you. I can't- I can't do anything- I..." I started to cry again, but this time I couldn't breathe. I began to cough harshly, trying to just breathe. I turned myself, finally being allowed to move, onto my stomach, supporting myself with my forearms once again.

I felt a warm hand rest itself on my back, rubbing slow circles into it.

"Calm down, Lalna. It's alright, just take deep, slow breaths. That's it."

After a few minutes of this, I'd finally managed to get my breathing under control. I slowly pulled away from the hands grasp and sat half cross legged on the floor, with my back to the door and Rythian in front of me.

We stared at each other for a while. Rythian was looking so worried, I guess about me? I was starting to get used to having this Rythian here, this one didn't yell at me all the time like the others did.

Suddenly, I grabbed my head and screwed my eyes shut. "No! Get out, go away!" I screamed. I felt someone run up beside me, holding my shoulders.

"Lalna? Lalna? Lalna, tell me whats wrong."

"Stop it! You're not there, none of you are there!"

"Lalna-" I lashed out, kicking him in the leg and swiftly pulling away before he could grab me. I scrambled to get up, making a wonky dash for the door. I sprinted as fast as I could down the hallway, still holding my head. I only opened my eyes when I ran into a wall, turning around to see Rythian chasing me, calling out my name.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I shouted, taking off down another corridor. Everywhere I looked, there he was. "There's too many of you!"

I kept on running as fast as I could. I headed for the roof. I climbed the many stairs and opened the trap door at the top. I hauled myself onto the platform and crawled over to the edge, looking over it. I gulped, feeling my head spin painfully as vertigo set in.

I stood up, my feet mere steps away from the edge. I heard the trap door creak. I looked back to see Rythian swiftly pull himself up. His eyes widened once he saw where I was.

"Lal-"

"Stay back! Stay away! I can't take it anymore! I can't live seeing you everywhere I go." I gripped my hair and pulled at it frantically.

Rythian slowly took a few steps forward while I was momentarily distracted.

"Lalna..." He began slowly, holding his hands out in front of himself. "Lalna, step away from the edge."

I shook my head, biting my lip, shuffling backwards a little bit. Rythians eyes widened.

"Lalna- umm... Lalna, why don't you tell me, uh, something about- Rythian. Yeah, tell me about him, hmm?"

I frowned at him in confusion. "Why? He's gone... he's dead. I killed him, I-" I shuffled backwards a little bit more.

"No, Lalna, I want you to tell me something about him, talk to me about him. Anything." He said cautiously, taking a few steps closer to me.

"He... he liked magic..."

Rythian nodded largely, continuing to slowly come closer. "Yes, that's good. Tell me more."

"He lived with a girl. She had long red hair and was obsessed with mushrooms. There- there was a dinosaur too. They um, they lived in a small castle and- oh god. Oh god I killed them. I killed all three of them! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!"

I stepped backwards again, not really noticing how close Rythian was. It was like slow motion. I saw his eyes widen as he reached out for me. I felt my foot hit nothing but air. I felt my eyes widen, realising what had happened. I saw my hand reach forward towards Rythian, but it was too late, I was falling.

The world snapped back into reality, fast. I screamed, watching as the tower quickly grew taller with every second. I shut my eyes and waited for the impact. The last thing I heard was a faint popping sound. The last thing I felt was something collide with my body.

Then, there was nothing. It was calm. No sounds, no light. It was black, just black.

 _So this is what death is._ I thought to myself. _Not exactly what I imagined..._

I don't know how long I've been here, if you could even call it that. But I started to think that maybe this wasn't death. It was too... strange. Like I was still partially aware. Sometimes I thought I heard voice, or felt a pinprick in my hand. But then again, I could just be imagining things. It was rather lonely in this place...

* * *

"He's been like this for more than a month now Rythian." Xephos said with sadness in his voice.

I turned my head towards him. "He'll wake up." I insisted, turning back to look at the blond.

"Rythian, I don't think he wants to..." I heard Xephos sigh and leave the room, closing the door with a soft click.

Ever since that day on the roof, Lalna had been comatose. Even though I'd managed to teleport down and grab him before he hit the ground, the impact had still been harsh and the scientist had been extremely weak, both mentally and physically.

He was currently attached to many machines and an IV drip. To be honest, he was looking a lot healthier than he did when I'd first found him.

We'd all seen him fall, well, Xephos, Honeydew and myself. What scared me most was not the fear I had seen in his emerald eyes, it was the longing for death. All the time I had tried to convince him he hadn't killed me, I had seen that he really wanted to believe me, but just couldn't bring himself to.

I sighed, rubbing at my face. "Umm, Lalna, I still don't know if you can hear me... But, uh, I just want you to know, again, that I forgive you. I don't blame you for what happened... I- I realise now that this was partly my fault. I knew... I knew you were sorry for the old world, but I didn't forgive you and that scared you, being all alone, waiting for me to come... and I'm sorry. I miss how we once were."

I glanced back at the monitors. They stayed the same, as usual. I looked back at Lalna's face, he looked peaceful almost. I think Xephos may be right, maybe he really didn't want to wake up. He was extremely mentally unstable for weeks before anyone came to check on him.

I stood up and trudged towards the door, twisting the handle and hesitantly opening the door. Just before I left, however, I looked back at the scientist, feeling as if I was going to cry. Then I saw it. It was barely there, just a flutter of his eyes. The way his lips parted ever so slightly.

My eyes widened and I rushed back over to him.

"Lalna?" I asked timidly, as his eyes fluttered again and his hand twitched. "Lalna, wake up! You can do it, come on Lalna!"

I saw his eye lids tighten slightly, pulling his eyebrows into a small frown, before relaxing again. He let out a small sigh and his head turned towards me slightly. The rate of beeping began to slowly increase. I glanced over at the monitors, watching as the blonds heart rate began to increase and normalise from that of his comatose rate.

"Lalna? Lalna can you hear me?" I asked nervously, shaking his shoulder, but his head just lolled towards me fully, limply resting on his shoulder. I let out a frustrated groan and slumped backwards into my chair, head in my hands.

I sat there for what seemed like hours, and it probably had been. I looked up when Lalna took a deep breath, coughing twice. His eyes fluttered again and pulled in tight, but this time stronger. He began to take quick breaths and shift in his bed.

His head shifted and his eyes opened halfway, looking straight at my face. His breath hitched and he shook his head disbelievingly, weakly trying to shift away.

"Lalna! Thank god you're finally awake!" I cried with joy, wrapping my arms around him. He tensed in fear but I didn't care.

* * *

I felt weak. I was confused, scared. I'd been dead not a moment ago, hadn't I? The first thing I saw was his face. I shook my head, _Not again... Please_.

He jumped forward and hugged me tightly, saying something about waking up and I tensed. Waking up? What did he mean 'Waking up'?

"Plea...se... get... o- off..." I breathed. Watching fearfully as he did so. He looked so happy and I couldn't understand why.

"I'm so glad you're finally awake, Lalna, we thought you might..."

"Why... can't you just, leave me alone!" I choked, my eyes starting to fill. Rythian stared at me, not seeming to be comprehending what I was saying. I shook my head and weakly tried to sit myself up, but my arms gave way under the weight and I fell back onto the pillow with a groan of frustration.

"I was dead... You're dead... I was finally alone... Why am I here? I don't want this hell anymore..." I sobbed.

"Lalna, you didn't die. I didn't die! Lalna, do you remember what happened?"

"I was in our room. You were all there, you wouldn't leave me alone. None of you would. I ran away and they chased me... they all chased me. So many of you... You won't leave me alone." I closed my eyes and turned my face away.

"Lalna." Rythian grabbed my face and turned it towards me. I cautiously opened my eyes again, half expecting to be hit. "Lalna. I'm here. It's just me, only me. I'm the only Rythian you need to worry about, alright?" He told me tenderly, I nodded as a tear built up and trailed down the side of my face. Rythian rested his hand against the side of my face tenderly, smiling. It was then I realised he wasn't wearing his mask like he normally did, like they all did.

"Good. There we go. Now, you stay here, I'm going to go get Xephos and tell him you're awake, okay?" He slowly pulled away and walked towards the door, still facing me. I watched him carefully the whole time, but when he turned to open the door, I stopped him.

"Wait!" He froze in his actions and turned back to look at me, waiting for me to continue. "You're not going to disappear like the others are you? You'll come back?"

He smiled at me lovingly and shook his head. "I'll come back, I promise I won't disappear." And with that, he opened the door and left the room.

I looked around the room, I didn't recognise it at all. Maybe it was new? I carefully pushed myself up again, managing enough strength to position myself into something resembling a sitting position. I frowned at the needle in my hand, following the tube to an IV bag. _Why was I hooked up to an IV?_ I glanced over at the heart monitor. _And a heart monitor?_

I turned back to the door when it opened again, the relieved faces of Xephos and Honeydew came rushing in. I looked around at them, there was someone missing.

"Where's Rythian? Where is he? He said he'd come back" I asked hurriedly, looking around for him. They frowned at me and each other.

Honeydew whispered to Xephos. "I think he's lost it." But Xephos gave him a warning look and he said no more, giving his scientist friend a quick pat on the shoulder and left the room.

I didn't pay attention to anything the spaceman said or did. He removed my drip and unhooked the heart monitor from me. He tried asking me questions but I just stared at the door blankly.

After hours of trying to get me to say something he gave up and went to leave.

"He said he'd come back, you know." I told him, and Xephos whipped around at my voice.

"Who did?"

"He said he wouldn't disappear like the others. He promised he'd come back after he went to get you. Why isn't Rythian back yet, Xephos?"

"Lalna... Rythian's dead. He died in an explosion three months ago, a month before you fell off the roof of your castle." He told me sincerely.

"What? No! He was here! I- I saw him here! He's not like the other ones! He- he stayed. He didn't yell at me, he didn't blame me. He- he didn't-" I cried, holding my head, shaking it furiously. "No, no, no you're lying! HE WAS HERE."

"Lalna. Lalna calm down, you need to calm down!" Xephos shouted frantically trying to calm me down.

"No! Tell me where he is! Tell me!" I screamed, reaching for him. He jumped back in fear. "TELL ME WHERE HE IS."

Xephos jumped back as I tried to grab him again. He grabbed something off the table and ran at me. He grabbed my hands and held them away. I struggled to get free, angry tears leaving marks down my face.

I felt something sharp enter my neck and I gasped, looking up at the man with a mixture of fear and confusion. He let go of me and I slumped to the floor as a coldness swiftly began to settle in my bones.

"Please... I miss him... I need him... I- I love him..." I pleaded softly, unable to move my numb body. The last thing I saw was the sorrowful look in the spaceman's eyes, before my eyes slipped shut into a silent abyss, a light sigh escaping my lips.

**Author's Note:**

> First off, I don't know if I should just leave it there... I kinda like it, but I also want to do a proper ending... Tell you what, if you want the additional ending, tell me and I'll write in a second "chapter" thing. 'Kay?
> 
> Secondly, I hope you like this? I hope it was alright, I wrote the first 1800 words at like 12-1am yesterday, then the about 1000 while having a Pirates of the Caribbean marathon today.... 0_o Soooo yeeeeaaahhhh.... This has taken me hours to write... It's now... 1:55am and I'm fed up with deciding on how to finish this, lol. Don judge meh!
> 
> Anyway, so if you liked and want me to write the additional ending, just tell me in a comment, all I need is one :)


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